Why everyone should not like you

I bet that statement made you do a 180, or at least say what?  Many people want to be liked by everyone at every turn in life; they are at.  According to Merriam-Webster, the word liked means, and I quote, “1 a) to feel attraction toward or take pleasure in:  Enjoy, b) to feel toward Regard, 2) to wish to have:  Want, 3) to do well in, 4) to electronically register one's approval of (something, such as an online post or comment) for others to see (as by clicking on an icon designed for that purpose), 5) to be suitable or agreeable to.  We know that when we feel liked, it raises the dopamine in our brains and gives us a natural high.  Through this article, I will explain why it is essential that not everyone like you via a real personal story.

Whether you are a new kid in school, returning to the reunion, at the office, volunteering, or out with your friends or neighbors, many feel they can’t live without being liked 24-7.  Some people have not figured out who they are in life and thus need that constant approval from others that they are on the right path.  People often project feelings of failure or loneliness when someone doesn’t like them.  Perhaps they don’t like themselves anymore and want to change to be like others so they will feel better.

Thus, many people in our society have become accustomed to only being able to live when others accept them for who they are and what they do. But it goes much further as they see the only way to fit in is if they dress, act, and eat like others, and the list you will see is never-ending.  Some people have even given up their favorite hobbies and sports because others don’t accept them when they engage in them.

Then we have a group of people who will only like you if you do something for them.  It might be as simple as picking up their mail when they were on vacation.  Attending their kid’s recital, little-league game, inviting them to sit in your sports box, or other things.  They only seem to know how to like you when you do for them.  It is essential to keep all friendships, whether business or personal, a two-way street.

Several years back, a gentleman was head of an organization and always thought he could do no wrong.  I never got his support or buy in on anything I did for him or his organization, but I still carried out my mission.  One day he had his admin call my office to request an appointment with me as soon as possible.  Knowing he was not up to any good, I gave him a spot a week later to meet.  When the day and time came, I was early, checked in with the admin person, and waited patiently to be invited into his office.

Everyone is always cordial, even if they know they’re up to no good, and then he popped a question to me, and I quote. “John, when will you ever give up on what you’re working on.”  Then I paused, leaned back in the chair, got more comfortable, and closed my eyes.  He then asked, “What are you doing”?  I replied, “I don’t want to lie to you, sir; I’m thinking so I may give you the exact year, month, day, hour, minutes, and second that I will officially give up.”  He replied, “oh.” Which I believe surprised him.  Next, I sat up in the chair, opened my eyes, and said, “I got it; I will give up when a little baby girl or little boy tells their parents they don’t want to walk anymore.  He gave me a strange look of being perplexed about what that meant.  I asked him, “May I ask you a question” and he said, “yes.” “You have two children, correct,” he said, “yes.” “One, a boy, is in college as a sophomore, and the other, a girl who just graduated college.” “Are both of them walking,” and he replied, “yes.” “Great, then let me ask you, when did either of them ever tell you don’t want to walk anymore.”  Silence quickly filled the room, and an even more confused expression was shown on his face.

Remember that whoever talks first loses; I remained quiet until he said, “never.”  I then replied and said, “You know, I always knew that you were an intelligent man the first time I met you several years ago, and I knew that you would answer that correction precisely correct the first time.”

I told him, “And that’s my answer, too, when I will give up.”  His muscles tensed in the chair as his face reddened, and he said, “you arrogant, now get the h _ _ out of office.  I then responded, “You know, I never needed your help; I was coming here to offer an olive branch to try to work with you.”  From that day, something changed when I realized it’s important not to have a few people like you.

You might be saying to yourself, why would I say that?  If everyone in your life likes you, that means you are not bringing you’re A-Game, and if you don’t, someone else will.  Please understand me; I’m not telling you to go around hating or expecting people to dislike you.  Not everyone in our world will always support you, which is ok.  Maybe they are jealous of you or have insecurity issues because they can’t do that.

Presume that others will help you and want to be part of your plan, but if and when they don’t, sometimes, stay on course with your passion anyway.  Maybe they will change their mind, and perhaps they won’t, but at the end of the day, you are here to live your life and not someone else’s.

Whether you are in high school, college, or graduate, choosing to live your own life is vital to your well-being and your continued success.  Maybe you are worried about living a life to please your parents, grandparents, or teachers, but they want you to be happy.  You know they want the best for you, and they may worry that you’ll miss out on something.

The truth is that you need to live your life for yourself and not anyone else.  Yes, it is nice to help others, volunteer, etc., but remember to be proud of yourself and live your own life.  Some people may love you; others hate you and still keep on living for the purpose that is in your heart.  People may try to get you to sway from your path because they don’t want you to be or do something, but persist anyway. 

Even after reading this informative personal story, many will only choose to take this advice once it confronts them in the face.  At that point, they will either stop out of fear or dig deep to find the courage to continue, pursue their life and achieve their goals.  Which one are you?

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